This is a title from Reverend Ken Whitten…….(google him) 

Depression, insecurities, put downs, rejections, loneliness, lack of accomplishments and self worth…Mental Illness???

I first saw a counselor in 1975. (?) I’d always had depression, and the Enemy, after me since my earliest of memories. Mental illness ran prevalent on my dad’s side of the family: quite a few eccentric recluses and mania. Part of my bloodline is Agnes Moorehead (“Bewitched” series tv show) and Edgar Allen Poe.

From 1978-2009 I envisioned myself driving a car into a dead end: crashing into a brick nursing home, stepping out into traffic, stepping in front of an oncoming train and slashing my wrists/arms till it seemed like I was really trying to kill myself. I had a couple bouts with overdoses, hospitalizations and rehabs. I have been in the pit several times. I was literally loved out of it. I know who I am now and Who is always with me.

See Luke 24: 13- 32…Jesus’ own disciples didn’t know they were walking with Him….

Numbers of hope……(John 3: 16 For God so loved the world, He gave His only Son: that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but will have everlasting life.)

Where there’s life, there’s hope……

I must remember when I’m stressed and waiting for positive activity, or answered prayer: Pray.

“Time’s going by, God. The deadline is too close. As a human, the only possible answer to this dilemma I find myself in is____. God, You know time is of essence. Help!! As I see it, I need this and such. God please do this for me.” “In Jesus’ name, You say I can ask anything if I ask in Your name: Jesus, and it will be done.” “Please….please…………..” (emotional tears…)

Hmmmmm…God knows and loves me, already. I have seen answered prayer, almost immediately, when I ask Him to hold off on rain. But, I don’t just ask Him to hold back the rain. I shut my eyes, open my heart, and sing Halelujah to the Lord. I tell God I love Him and remind Him I know He’s in charge. I tell Him I worship Him and exhalt Him. He is worthy to be praised. I sing praises. I sing the Doxology. It takes me a long time to remember this fact. Each new problem or need, I get distracted with asking and telling…My pastor calls it “giving God my grocery list.”

I will retain my sanity waiting for You to move, God. I have faith in You, if You don’t move how I think is best for me, You have a better plan. I stand amazed in Your presence and glory. Be lifted up, Oh God…..I love You so much. Thank You for Your love.

As I grew up, I sang the songs of the redeemed with others in my church. I sang along to the lyrics, “Nothing is impossible with God”. Not until you really have some big stuff you are trusting God for, is this a challenge. I have faith. Yes, I do! I am blessed to have hubby reminding me, we have faith in God and His answered prayers. (See Luke 1: 37 For with God nothing is ever impossible and no word from God shall be without power or impossible of fulfillment.)

One of my favorite songs out now, is “Impossible” by Building 429….Give it a listen

1 day runs into the next and still waiting! My eyes have been known to glaze over. I find myself looking down a lot.

Hey! Jesus loves me and wants the very best for me. In Matthew 11: 28- 30 He talks about coming to Him when I feel overburdened. He says to take His yoke and learn of Him, and I’ll find rest. He says His yoke is wholesome and His burden is light.

“Hold on My child…..joy comes in the morning….”

I bet you are getting weary of kids and family for now…..I’ll round this up with my hubby’s youngest son is like unto Abraham. No joking about being the father of many nations…… See Genesis 11: 29.  And his wife, yes, like yummy manna from Above, she likes to make and decorate cakes. What would it be like without the “yummies”? Verse 35 of chapter 16 in Exodus is for her.

I’ll try this again. ….So, the extendeds….Hubby’s daughter’s verse is Luke 2: 5. Not only is she a good mo but she is like unto a “mother hen”. This is a really good thing. Her kids are: oldest son: verses 1 John 4: 7and 8.  He’s maturing into the kind of young man who commands respect when he first enters a room, but ohhh, the heart of love that young fella has…. Her next son: Jeremiah 1: 5. Yes, not only was Jeremiah the weaping prophet but God, Himself, lets him know God approved of him before he was born.  The next son she has, I deem as Job. I do this because Job’s life was so much better later, after time. (Job 42: 10) She has a young daughter, too. Her verse is Ruth 1: 16. “Where you lodge, I will lodge….”.

My hubby’s youngest son has 5 living kids. One baby went to Heaven too soon. His son is unto Moses in Exodus 6:11. The rest of his kids are girls. The first I claim Acts 9: 36 for. (good deeds) The second daughter: as Deborah. (Judges 4: 4) She was a wise judge. The next daughter: as Martha. John 11: 5 says she was loved  and held in great esteem by Jesus.

There is alot of content, so this section will be divided into a number of parts…fore-warned….

One of our grand-daughters, who had been in California a few years, came to spend some time, sleep over, go to church with us and go to choir practice with her grandma…..excitement! I was elated. She’s 12 and has musical talent that she’s getting more accustomed to using. She had family face book posts while in California that showed he dancing an singing in productions at school. As if that weren’t enough, we visited the Humane Society and spent about an hour and a half “socializing” cats. There were about 40 cats there that day and we had a great time talking to, petting, and sharing treats with them. (We took our own Temptations treats with us) Yes! Grand-daughter loves kitties, singing and playing the piano….we had fun.

Now, while grand-daughter was visiting, the pastor’s message, from the pulpit , I kid you not, was the newly born story i claimed over her when she was born. I have stories for my kids and grands. I claimed them for God and His glory an assigned Bible stories and or verses to each one.

My daughter’s verses are in the book of Matthew. The verses about how God will hide things from the “wise”. (Matt. 11: 25) My son’s: Matt. 14. This story is about Peter walking on the water. He had faith. Focus lesson: keep your eyes on Jesus/keep trusting and believing Him. My grand-daughter is in 2 Kings. Yes, she is likened to Elijah, on Mount Carmel, and his faith to proclaim God as the One true God. Grand-daughter 2, here in Fla., the verses concerning how her angels ever behold the face of the Father…..Matthew 18.

Life is interesting. Sometimes when it rains, it pours. Yes? When it doesn’t: draught! First we found ourselves in our current trial and were trusting God, 6 months ago, for an Ohio trip to see our first grandchild graduate High School. Since then, the grandson has gotten a career started in rap music. But, God came through for us in a great, faithful way.

October 24 found us going back to Ohio to see hubby’s youngest son get married. We couldn’t afford this. We prayed and thought. We discussed till we were blue in the face. We made it happen. Blessings were and are all around us so we trust God will make up the finances. We know we will have the very bigggggest testimony after this year, than ever before!

Earlier we saw A. J. just sleeping. He had Dvd’s under him. We know we should abide and dwell peacefully in God’s care. That being said, I was going to entitle this fleas, Fla. and fleeing….Yes, we have and love our 8 indoor cats. We live in Fla. and have heard fleas are worse here. I recall having one cat in Ohio, back in the 1970’s, and he went outside and in again often. He slept with me and listened to all my tales and thoughts. Only now and again did my mother get him a grocery store flea collar which he promptly took off in never more than 2 days. Current day, we have a wooden lanai and a cat door so the “great 8” can come and go to the back porch (which is screened) whenever they like.

Now we used to live in the “city” and only had 2 kitties. The eldest found she was experiencing an allergic reaction to fleas and had a bare belly for a while. We took our bare bellied, black cat to the doctor. She got her shot and she was fine. We still have her. She is 13. In the last 4 years, we moved to the country. I did volunteering with shelters and rescuing and adopting. We got more kitties.

My title for next blog section will be Kids and Family. We know if you live with care for, feed, clean up after and get unconditional love from pets: they are your family.

I must take after my maternal grandmother who was said to always have wanted a cat farm. So, we “flea dot”, we bomb, and we have a separate can of flea spray for furniture. We also have flea shampooed the great 8 and have put flea powder on to the point we about surrender. No, that’s not the only reason we want to move to Ohio….Ahhhh, but we have one handsome red tabby who has more trouble with fleas than the others. He has a bunch of physical reactions. We drove him to the doctor months ago. He got meds. Recently, I just went and got some more meds from the doctor for him. The doctor lovingly said give him the pill every day for 2 weeks and then every other day for 2 more weeks. This is no easy task. It’s often comical. I reward him with a Temptation treat after, though. Yay!

Oh how great is Thy faithfulness! Thank You for Your amazing grace, even if I was the only person ever on the planet You created, You came to earth as a human and died for me: what extreme love!! Thank You….this whole blog, as is everything I own, is Yours. Be glorified in it. I’ll tell testimonies and opinions, but it’s all Yours.  Thank You I have a home being prepared for me in heaven now. Thank You, You see the whole picture all at once, amazingly. You see the day You created heaven and earth and see me seated with Jesus at Your right side and see me praising You for all eternity in heaven, right now all at once. Wow!

Pause for musical interlude: thoughts of songs…Christian contemporary artist Mercy Me has “Greater” that’s worthy of going to youtube.com and hearing and pondering. Then be more encouraged by Francesca Battistelli’s “He Knows My Name”…Now that you are fired up, go back to find Mercy Me’s “Shake”. Enjoy. Remember, a merry heart doeth good like medicine……

Thank You we got through the brief court case, got the tenant out, sold some furniture and can sell the house now. We are on the mend. Thank You we realized being separated from the “forest” we could see the trees better. (2 Corinthians 6: 17 So come out from among, and separate yourselves from unbelievers, says the Lord, and touch not any unclean thing: then I will receive you kindly and treat you with favor….) Thank You for Your favor, God.

Are you the type of person who has a situation and has to resolve it right away? I am. Even though I know patience is a virtue, I can liken it to this poor example. The piece of paper has fallen on the floor. Some will see it and walk around it in haste thinking they will get to it later. Eventually, busy person will hurry out the door. This person, if living alone, probably thinks, “the paper will still be there when I get home and I can get it then.” I am not that way. Being a “waiter” (trying to maintain sanity in the waiting times…) and an observer (who is selectively available) I witness this and go bursurk. I start wanting details about the paper: who last read it, who dropped it and when will it be picked up, will it be tossed or filed? More than likely, I know I will have to pick it up and decide what to do with it. This is frustrating. I know I didn’t drop it. This frustration will grow and days later there’s a possibility for the lid being off the toothpaste being the instigator for the volcano to erupt. Everything for the last 10 yrs. will reappear. Yes, I have repented and asked God to help me with this. I can tell you, one yr. after being married to ADHD, there were some adjustments. Year two, there were  adjustments and arrangements. Years 4- 8 there were trials with a capital T. This has been the hardest, most detailed year ever. We definitely know God will move us to Ohio. We will sell 2 houses and be up north closer to more family and grand kids. Hubby will settle down to one job for income and we will have time for hobbies, fun, ministries.  When, WHEN is God going to answer this prayer of ours? Waiting. Yes, They that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength and rise up with wings of eagles, run and not grow weary, walk and not faint…(Isaiah 40: 31) Ummmm….God must be trying to make a Hercules out of me. (Ouch! Growing pains/strengthening pains)

I’ve decided no matter how saintly or Spiritually mature I believe others are, we all have faults, short comings, and insecurities. Many people are pushing themselves along in such a strong fashion, they don’t see the “walking wounded” sitting right beside them. This is a shame. There is a Christian contemporary artist: Brandon Heath, who sings “Give Me Your Eyes”.

I seriously thought I was the only one…. There are some folks who come to church regularly, looking “right” and the whole 9 yards, but when asked about their lives, some say, “I still haven’t found my niche.” They may also say, “I am between niches/ministries/careers.” Yes, some of these are over the age of 50. Hmmmm…

I have heard some say they hope they will make it to heaven one day. Our pastor has a saying, “Are you a million % sure, if you died today, you would go to heaven?” I want to ask, as they have been in same church services I have been in, what?!?!? Do you listen to messages? Are you thinking other things while sermons are spoon fed? Yes, wake up, folks, the time is short till Jesus’ return. (Matthew 24: 36) I know, “but of that exact day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.”

I know of some who are putting off future goals. I know of some who plan to write books and get published “one day”. We don’t know how much time we have here, we better do what we can and desire to do while we still can. Right?  I wonder about myself. I was so excited when God gave me my hubby, I typed pages and saved about 10 or more pages of a future book I’d like to write. I’ve not written it yet. Hmmmmm….emotions….

Here’s our relationship in a nutshell. When my hubby was young, he was diagnosed with ADHD. When I was young, I was said to have still been in the play pen observing, till I was 5 and they sent me to Kindergarten. I did well there, amazingly.

We have been experiencing stress because of vehicles, finances, and our selling 2 houses. We broke down and agreed he would go over to the other house and sleep for a couple nights. (also to get some work done there) We came together in our Father’s house, Sunday, and heard just what we needed to hear for such a time as this. We have a great preacher who hears from God and is anointed.

I gave birth to two children. Both of them are grown and live in Florida.

Hubby and I live in Fla., currently, and are finding that waiting can wear on a person or people. We are trying to sell two houses at one time and asking God to re-plant us in Ohio. The house selling has only been officially in progress for 2 and a half months, but there have been other stressers in the mix. These have been hangin on for 6 months or so. Can you feel me? Ha! At the end of all this we will have Such a testimony for God like never before! Yes, we are reminded in Revelation 12: 11 we are over comers by the word of our testimony.  Oh! and by the way things have been, I’m also reminded of the chorus of the Eddie Rabbit song: “I’m Drivin My Life Away”….but I refer to this as: “I’m waiting my life away”.(chorus of song, only)..Now don’t get too overly zealous about rebuking me.