(Some transparent disclosure)
We usually have people over and do a bunch of cooking and cleaning for holiday meals. Do you??
In order to accomplish this, I spend weeks worrying and stressing. I know, as a Christian I shouldn’t. My husband does heavy duty cleaning. Praise God. We have to do extra preparations because of the 8 cats. My husband has been focusing on remodeling our basement. He’s had his son here some and his 13 year old grandson here- interrupting my peaceful solitude and comfort. (I am set in my ways) I saw my husband procrastinating and trying to fit all details in: in the last 36 hours. He has also been working overtime at his paying job.
I knew my sleep would be interrupted the night prior to the “gathering”. So, I’d already be super tired. This happens repeatedly: I know the drill. If I had to do this-as we have done the last 12 years+ I’d like to have had folks here early and then I could change into my nightgown and be done trying to impress by 7 pm. The 4 o’clock gathering became 5 and some didn’t show up till 7. They ended up gone by 10:30 pm, by the way.
With my health, stress, feeling of being ignored, etc…. I went away the night prior to the big gathering. I spent the night at a lovely motel: alone. I had no husband who says he has “trouble understanding me”, no cats and messes, no dishes…… Smile! I didn’t want to come home, but couldn’t afford a second motel night: besides, it’s MY house, right?
I took my favorite cat, went to my room, shut the door and determined to not socialize. I do have that right, correct? Apparently not. People, all ages, kept trying to disturb and enter my room. What is wrong with people? I obviously wanted to be alone. My health wasn’t great. My emotions were a mess. My house wasn’t perfect and my husband hasn’t even worked on the remodel needs of my bedroom. Am I his priority?
Love and family–
God is love? He hasn’t answered my big ongoing prayer; in fact, my son broke my heart yet again, in the last 5 months. I also, miss my daughter and grand-daughters who are 1000 miles away. I don’t have a real “bond” with my husband’s family- or kids. I could be a million other places. I wish I were. God supplies all my Needs? Uh, well, yes.
Empowerment and peace?
Nope. I need a Godly faith boost. Being the new year is almost here, I’m hearing preachers speaking of renewal and “break through”. I am reminded of my youth when I heard people say things like: “I stayed at the altar till I got my breakthrough. The pastor had to keep the church open, because I was beseeching God for 4 hours.”
I plan to join Pastor Jentezen Franklin in a Breakthrough fast the days he has designated. I’m going to go to God sincerely and I won’t let go of the hem of Jesus’ garment till He answers. This may be a challenge for me. (in the flesh) Admittedly, God is laying the groundwork for this time I’ll have designated to, and for Him. I thank Him for that.