We are still waiting. We still have our trials going on so hubby feels he needs to work at least 6 days a week, 16 hrs a day. This can wear a female out just waiting to see/feel love.
As females do, I issue the ultimatums, I complain….he says “you say this stuff all the time.” Well, the only thing that changes is he smiles and hugs me now and then and says this will all be different when the houses sell. Smiles, warm fuzzies, time together and I am appeased till next day when same old same old is renewed.
Am I wrong to want to feel like a priority? As I tell him, “if you would commit to spur of the moment taking some time off from the Job, I’d know it was only a job and I was/am priority”. He says, “I can’t.” I say, “You won’t.”
Normally, I’d go down depression road with these feelings but, I am just tired. My yo’yo is down and gets “up” with expectations when I see him. Inevitably I start in on the things have to change, we get tense, sometimes yell…..no one is appeased. Nothing changes.
He doesn’t know that if he possibly fake called in to work and said, “Something major has come up, I won’t be in”, I’d kiss him and feel the love and appreciation and say go on and go in to work…..What? Too many soap operas and romance novels? If so, so be it.
Yep, it seems when bones, joints and feet are wearing out, toes and metatarsals do too.
Everything cracks. One reference on the internet says to stay off your feet as much as possible with metatarsalgia. I’m not on em much now. Really. Oh, and it said one side effect was weakening achilles tendon. Well, had surgery for one already. The doctors were saying I have all the itis brothers….arthritis, bursitis, chronic bronchitis, chronic gastritis, diverticulitis…….Well,…..hubby seems to think “life goes on”………so on we go. He’s my rock. (he’s also 1 year younger than I)
I’m blessed. At this time, I take no pills/prescribed meds daily…….shall I discover wine???
Yes, I have a lapband…..Now, it’s not quite as you might think. I know I can get away with eating all the ice cream or creamy, buttery foods I can choke down. This doesn’t aid in weight loss….unfortunately. But, if it’s before 6pm. and I have any stress in my day, I can get “hung up”. I can get super mucussy, snotty nose, hard to breathe, spitting up mucus repeatedly. My whole body has to relax and let food go down the stoma muscle. This can take 30 minutes….It’s not fun.
I wait………My mind makes promises to itself. I promise to never eat solid food ever again. I promise to only eat candy and ice cream till I die. (because they don’t give me immediate troubles)
We were married 9 and a half years and planned to have a celebratory anniversary trip to Niagara Falls. Our finances went further and further south. We changed our New York/Canada trip to an Ohio trip to see our grandson graduate High School. This is the first of our grand-kids to do this. We drove 1000 miles and camped in a tent. (I’m really not much of a tent person….) God blessed and the trip went without a hitch.
We came home to a friend’s memorial service. Our pastor spoke a word over me about my using my talents and imagination. This lit a fire in me. I came home to outline a sketch for a Christmas musical production: “The Phan-tastic Birth”…..in lieu of, and including, music from the Phantom of the Opera. (phantom would be there, too…)
There would be old songs, script, hymns, new Christian contemporary songs, interpretive dance…all outlined out……we aren’t doing this musical at our church this year……but maybe some day, somewhere………
As I sit waiting for answered prayer, I can be found stewing over my loneliness. I can worry about unresolved issues like the fact we bought a truck during the summer, but it’s sitting “dead” at the lot. We have not paid it off and the car lot hasn’t repaired it. We got a Taurus a few months later and we can’t afford to pay either of the monthly payments.
Oh! But hubby works. (all the time) With all my past health and emotional issues, I’ve been officially titled “disabled”. Thank God for social security disability……ah, but the Enemy uses that term to thwart me.
gift comes down from the Father of lights. I had experienced long intervals of merely sleeping my days away. Along with my insecurities, I had lived through marriage to an alcoholic, diagnosis of hepatitis B and diabetes, and my child being a vagrant who dropped out of High School, stole from a department store and had a 2nd trimester abortion.
My hubby came into my life with magic, surprises, encouragement and unconditional love.
It’s December….many people haven’t found true love or reconnected with family this year and Christmas will be a sad time.
We weren’t able to pay the mortgage on our house last month, but have hope that it will sell and we can start fresh in another state where there’s more family and better paying jobs. If we focus on our first time ever not being able to make a payment or focus on our desires, plans, expectations, we will be downhearted. Yes, we focus on God, instead. We praise Him for what He has done and for Who He is.
In reality though, it seems like I have just set the troubles on a back burner, far away–as if they don’t exist. It seems like living in an alternate world altogether.
Oh! Living in the Spirit………ok. (not the flesh) I am walking by faith and not by sight,
This is a title from Reverend Ken Whitten…….(google him)
Depression, insecurities, put downs, rejections, loneliness, lack of accomplishments and self worth…Mental Illness???
I first saw a counselor in 1975. (?) I’d always had depression, and the Enemy, after me since my earliest of memories. Mental illness ran prevalent on my dad’s side of the family: quite a few eccentric recluses and mania. Part of my bloodline is Agnes Moorehead (“Bewitched” series tv show) and Edgar Allen Poe.
From 1978-2009 I envisioned myself driving a car into a dead end: crashing into a brick nursing home, stepping out into traffic, stepping in front of an oncoming train and slashing my wrists/arms till it seemed like I was really trying to kill myself. I had a couple bouts with overdoses, hospitalizations and rehabs. I have been in the pit several times. I was literally loved out of it. I know who I am now and Who is always with me.
See Luke 24: 13- 32…Jesus’ own disciples didn’t know they were walking with Him….
I must remember when I’m stressed and waiting for positive activity, or answered prayer: Pray.
“Time’s going by, God. The deadline is too close. As a human, the only possible answer to this dilemma I find myself in is____. God, You know time is of essence. Help!! As I see it, I need this and such. God please do this for me.” “In Jesus’ name, You say I can ask anything if I ask in Your name: Jesus, and it will be done.” “Please….please…………..” (emotional tears…)
Hmmmmm…God knows and loves me, already. I have seen answered prayer, almost immediately, when I ask Him to hold off on rain. But, I don’t just ask Him to hold back the rain. I shut my eyes, open my heart, and sing Halelujah to the Lord. I tell God I love Him and remind Him I know He’s in charge. I tell Him I worship Him and exhalt Him. He is worthy to be praised. I sing praises. I sing the Doxology. It takes me a long time to remember this fact. Each new problem or need, I get distracted with asking and telling…My pastor calls it “giving God my grocery list.”
I will retain my sanity waiting for You to move, God. I have faith in You, if You don’t move how I think is best for me, You have a better plan. I stand amazed in Your presence and glory. Be lifted up, Oh God…..I love You so much. Thank You for Your love.
As I grew up, I sang the songs of the redeemed with others in my church. I sang along to the lyrics, “Nothing is impossible with God”. Not until you really have some big stuff you are trusting God for, is this a challenge. I have faith. Yes, I do! I am blessed to have hubby reminding me, we have faith in God and His answered prayers. (See Luke 1: 37 For with God nothing is ever impossible and no word from God shall be without power or impossible of fulfillment.)
One of my favorite songs out now, is “Impossible” by Building 429….Give it a listen
1 day runs into the next and still waiting! My eyes have been known to glaze over. I find myself looking down a lot.
Hey! Jesus loves me and wants the very best for me. In Matthew 11: 28- 30 He talks about coming to Him when I feel overburdened. He says to take His yoke and learn of Him, and I’ll find rest. He says His yoke is wholesome and His burden is light.
I bet you are getting weary of kids and family for now…..I’ll round this up with my hubby’s youngest son is like unto Abraham. No joking about being the father of many nations…… See Genesis 11: 29. And his wife, yes, like yummy manna from Above, she likes to make and decorate cakes. What would it be like without the “yummies”? Verse 35 of chapter 16 in Exodus is for her.
I’ll try this again. ….So, the extendeds….Hubby’s daughter’s verse is Luke 2: 5. Not only is she a good mo but she is like unto a “mother hen”. This is a really good thing. Her kids are: oldest son: verses 1 John 4: 7and 8. He’s maturing into the kind of young man who commands respect when he first enters a room, but ohhh, the heart of love that young fella has…. Her next son: Jeremiah 1: 5. Yes, not only was Jeremiah the weaping prophet but God, Himself, lets him know God approved of him before he was born. The next son she has, I deem as Job. I do this because Job’s life was so much better later, after time. (Job 42: 10) She has a young daughter, too. Her verse is Ruth 1: 16. “Where you lodge, I will lodge….”.
My hubby’s youngest son has 5 living kids. One baby went to Heaven too soon. His son is unto Moses in Exodus 6:11. The rest of his kids are girls. The first I claim Acts 9: 36 for. (good deeds) The second daughter: as Deborah. (Judges 4: 4) She was a wise judge. The next daughter: as Martha. John 11: 5 says she was loved and held in great esteem by Jesus.
Continued from hubby’s youngest son….his baby daughter, though she is young, she’s overcome a lot. Genesis 21: 5 and 6 has Sarah laughing because God did the impossible in her life.
My hubby’s oldest son has 2 kids. The eldest is a young man. He has an affinity for music and will go far. I liken him to David. 1 Samuel 16 has David playing a harp. Then he has a beautiful young lady of a daughter. Shes’ like unto queen Esther. Yep, Esther 4: 14.
My hubby’s sons have wives. The oldest son’s wife is like unto Michal in 1 Samuel 18: 20. She loves her husband and this is pleasing. The son, himself: like Samson. Such strength and fortitude! See Judges 13: 24 because God blessed him.
There is alot of content, so this section will be divided into a number of parts…fore-warned….
One of our grand-daughters, who had been in California a few years, came to spend some time, sleep over, go to church with us and go to choir practice with her grandma…..excitement! I was elated. She’s 12 and has musical talent that she’s getting more accustomed to using. She had family face book posts while in California that showed he dancing an singing in productions at school. As if that weren’t enough, we visited the Humane Society and spent about an hour and a half “socializing” cats. There were about 40 cats there that day and we had a great time talking to, petting, and sharing treats with them. (We took our own Temptations treats with us) Yes! Grand-daughter loves kitties, singing and playing the piano….we had fun.
Now, while grand-daughter was visiting, the pastor’s message, from the pulpit , I kid you not, was the newly born story i claimed over her when she was born. I have stories for my kids and grands. I claimed them for God and His glory an assigned Bible stories and or verses to each one.
My daughter’s verses are in the book of Matthew. The verses about how God will hide things from the “wise”. (Matt. 11: 25) My son’s: Matt. 14. This story is about Peter walking on the water. He had faith. Focus lesson: keep your eyes on Jesus/keep trusting and believing Him. My grand-daughter is in 2 Kings. Yes, she is likened to Elijah, on Mount Carmel, and his faith to proclaim God as the One true God. Grand-daughter 2, here in Fla., the verses concerning how her angels ever behold the face of the Father…..Matthew 18.
Life is interesting. Sometimes when it rains, it pours. Yes? When it doesn’t: draught! First we found ourselves in our current trial and were trusting God, 6 months ago, for an Ohio trip to see our first grandchild graduate High School. Since then, the grandson has gotten a career started in rap music. But, God came through for us in a great, faithful way.
October 24 found us going back to Ohio to see hubby’s youngest son get married. We couldn’t afford this. We prayed and thought. We discussed till we were blue in the face. We made it happen. Blessings were and are all around us so we trust God will make up the finances. We know we will have the very bigggggest testimony after this year, than ever before!